Friday, September 6, 2013

Are you a prisoner???

Seriously, are you a prisoner? Often we don't realize that we are a prisoner of our own expectations. You have heard million times about "positive attitude". Let me tell you one thing, positive attitude is nothing but a scam. What positive attitude tells you is to be delusional, to be hopeful and keep telling yourself that "everything will be fine". It is deceiving. The reason that positive thinking or positive attitude doesn't work is because it is in conflict with the logic of an intelligent person. Thus "positive attitude or positive thinking" will not work for a person of intelligence and reason.
Ditch the positive attitude. Evaluate your expectations and your self reliance. Your expectations play major role in your life. Think about it! When you drive to work during rush hour, do you get pissed off when you are stuck in traffic? When you skip your meal, and get cranky couple hours after that, do you get angry for not being able to focus? When karma gets you for lying or deceiving someone, do you accuse someone else for ruining your life? If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions, you are a prisoner of your expectations. Having blind expectations in life is the debilitating, we might as well live in a laboratory where we can control everything. I lived in the prison of my expectations and man I was miserable. Every obstacle felt like a failure, every failure looked like end of the world. Life was harsh, people were mean, every effort was a scam, good deeds were useless, happiness was short lived, past was safe, future was dark, present was unknown and pain was faithful companion. Every once in a while, I was able to grab a vine of  "positive attitude" but couldn't hang on for long. I would swing and fall farther in puddle of despair and agony. I don't remember what inspired me, what changed the direction of my thoughts; but I started thinking about my expectations. Boy was I off in my expectations or what? I expected life to flow smoothly, relationships to work to my benefit, motivations to last without persistence, dreams to come true with minimum effort, people to be reasonable and kind, plans to work as "planned" etc. I was kind of living in a Bollywood commercial movie. You hit one rough patch in life and then climax and happily ever after. BOOM!!!
I dag deeper. Why was I so unrealistic in my expectations? I am not 100% sure but maybe because I didn't trust myself enough to be able to deal with realistic expectations. I started researching "self reliance". One of the articles that I reviewed can be found here: http://www.emersoncentral.com/selfreliance.htm
You can do your own research. Going back to my previous entry about "knowing yourself", it was a great step to know myself deeper. I was introduced to myself, my weaknesses, my strengths and my hidden fears. There was a major shift in my expectations. I didn't give up hope, but certainly gave up wishful thinking and positive attitude. Instead, I started facing the reality as it is not as I want it to be. I accepted life the way it is knowing that I can handle it. Again, it wasn't a wishful thinking. I had solid reasons to believe that I can handle life with all its chaos. Evidence of my abilities and my flaws gave me strength. I saw where I was, where I came from, how far I came and how I made it this far. I saw my failures and started counting my achievements as well. I also saw a pattern, the pattern of unexpected events. How life doesn't work out exactly as planned. It was a relief. I was not in control of life still I survived and/or thrived through unplanned turns and twists of life. My self reliance meter started rolling. Self confidence was reborn. I don't need positive attitude/thinking to keep me going. I have realistic expectations now. I don't expect my ex to be understanding, or my career to take off running, or parenting to be easy. I don't expect myself to be a superhero, super mom, the most charming and most intelligent lady ( not when still so young and inexperienced in life anyway). I don't see obstacles as failures or failures as the end.
Bear in mind that I am not delusional. I don't see rainbows and roses everywhere. I am realistic now. I know I am not in control of life but I know I can handle a lot of it. I am no longer a prisoner. By sharing my experience, I am taking a shot at spreading the awareness and reinforcing the importance of our own expectations and how we create our own limitations. A lot of hurt and disappointments are self inflicted. We set ourselves for failure often and positive thinking can't change it. So stop wishful thinking, stop living in a self made prison. Stop the madness. Adjust your expectations. Be realistic and honest. Free yourself and live your life!!!!