Thursday, January 12, 2017

Perfection vs Connection

I am lucky that I am not a perfectionist, but I was attempting to be one inconsistently.
As a mother, I used to stress about being the perfect mother by focusing on minor daily mishaps. My on and off and often failed attempts at "fixing" every little aspect of my and my daughter's life was keeping me in a constant state of anxiety. In my career, I used to drain all my energy by giving 150% on the job and emotionally getting involved in my patients' issues. Then I came across this idea " connection vs perfection". It feels as if I found the missing link in my search for a more practical and peaceful life.
This idea shifted my perspective and relieved me from unnecessary stress and anxiety. Now I give 100% on the job. I am still compassionate and caring while acknowledging my limitations. My patients love me and I love helping them as much as possible. I have realized that connecting with my patients and establishing trusting relationship with them is more effective than trying to take over their care. I put them in charge of their care and assume the role of a well informed guide. Beyond my patients, I no longer bend over backwards for corporate America. This is a topic for a whole new discussion.
My parenting style is more relaxed and effective now. First of all, I realized my role is to assist, guide, nurture, strengthen, and equip my daughter. I am here to raise her for her own future and not my intended life for her. When focusing on connecting with her vs perfecting her, I allow her to become her own person. I no longer squeeze her into my perceived idea of who she should be. I am learning to see her point of view, allow her to express herself and explore the world with her. Instead of making the bed, I learn about her favorite book. Cooking can be a joint effort, regardless of how long it will take or how imperfect the dish will turn out. The only non academic activity for her is her Tea Kown Do. I give her the chance to interact in social gatherings at her own pace, regardless of being judged by others about not being strict with her. I have finally realized that her growing up is about her, not about me and certainly not about other people's expectations. I no longer strive for perfection in my life. It is about connection, connecting with yourself, your family, your friends. And to connect, you must let go of predetermined notions, idealistic expectations and perfection. As human beings, we are designed to be biased, unethical, imperfect, flawed and sometimes stubborn. Yet we will need love, connection and acceptance. How can you connect if you don't accept other's flaws and imperfections?

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